Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Day 91 - June 30th
WARNING! MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR ALL VIEWERS. I GET PRETTY PERSONAL IN THIS ONE ABOUT MY DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT. IT'S MY BLOG AND I THINK I CAN WRITE WHATEVER I WANT. RIGHT? ANYWAY...CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED...I USE "GIRLY" WORDS AND TERMS IN THIS BLOG.
Today I went to the doctors...again. For the fun girly pap-smear appointment that my doctor must think I love doing. It's the 3rd one in a year. Supposedly women are supposed to get this done once a year, but I'm an over achiever and like doing it more often (I'm lying). The nurse got the giggles when I told her that they must be mistaken and think that I actually like doing this. She laughed and said, we don't particularly like doing them either. Then we got into a conversation on how a man must have invented this. Then we laughed that men think they have it rougher because they have to have a prostate exam. Awww...poor babies! Not even close to this!! Then she thought she would make me feel better by saying, "Well, you only have to take your bottoms off this time since this is a re-pap." I told her if I had a choice, I would rather just take my top off and be felt up.
I've had two paps in the past year that came back with abnormal cells. One pap a year coming back abnormal is common for me, I've come to expect it. For years I've always had to come back and do it again and then learn that everything is fine. This is the first year, that two tests have come back with abnormal readings. They scheduled me for a biopsy two days before my wedding. I just didn't want anyone messing "down there" two days before I got married. I canceled it, didn't reschedule it, and finally talked my doctor into doing one more pap before doing a biopsy. After our "visit" today she told me, "No offense, but I hope I don't have to call you again this time."
These are a few pictures I snapped while waiting. The first one is "The Tray", it's a sterile environment for tools that will be quite unsterile very soon. The second picture is how wonderful my nurse is...she warmed the gel in warm water before the doctor came in. It's the little things like that that just make these appointments addicting. (I'm lying again. You know that right?) That gel can be SO COLD sometimes. The third picture is of speculums in their natural habitat not knowing that their days are numbered. These are still wrapped in the sterile wrap. These are at least plastic now, they used to be metal that I'm sure they kept in freezers. They also hook up to a light and microscope nowadays, which just make them so much more fun! They should sell tickets. And I wonder how many times a day an OB/GYN has to say, "Scoot down to the end. More. Keep scooting. Keep going. All the way down. Come on."
And really, there is just no conversation that seems normal in this circumstance. You can't see anything but the lights on the ceiling. And the paper they give you isn't at all comfortable or modest. Doesn't really matter anyway, they just crumble it all up on your tummy anyway. What do you talk about? This time we talked about the seriousness of the tests they are running. I'm not worried about them. I'm used to being a medical marvel. I am proud to say once I "Warm Chattered" my doctor years ago and sold her some Satin Hands when I was a Mary Kay Lady. She was a faithful customer for a couple of years.